The Accidental Necromancer

Legal Drinking Age

The guard around me surged into action. Valeria put her hands on me and started healing me. Lesseth popped out of the bag, turned into water, and smothered me for a moment.

“Stop!” I said.

Everyone stopped. But that might have been because my thin pink halter top was both singed and soaking wet.

“You’re like my ticket out of here,” said Princess Maggie. “I’m the only one with magic, and I have to listen to these old men all the time? I mean, buh-leeze!”

“Darling!” exclaimed the goblin king.

I’ve been in relationships with girls with hot tempers before. Never again. Passion is awesome, but one had to draw the line somewhere.

Any stunning effect from my transparent shirt faded quickly. It was curious, though, that it had any effect at all, given that they had just seen me with the shirt practically off.

Human and demon guards had surrounded the little princess.

“Okay, people. Let’s simmer down.”

“I’ll bring you all to a boil if you don’t get me away from this geezer,” Maggie said.

She was plucky, I’ll give her that. It couldn’t be easy to be her father. Maybe she had reason for her rebellion, or maybe she was just a brat.

I made a quick decision. “Valeria, bind her,” I said, hoping that she needed to point to do her thing. “And bring her to me. I’ll talk to her later.”

“You can’t just take my daughter!” said the goblin king.

een,” she said, after a moment.

Valeria nodded at me.

“So, what do you say, Abby?” Maggie asked.

“What do I say to what?”

“Am I worth keeping around? I’m told I’m just the right height, and that I’m pretty good with my mouth.” She licked her lips, and winked broadly. “If ya know what I mean.”

“I know what you mean,” I said. “And I won’t make you go back to your father, if you behave.”

She nodded. “Is behave code for spreading my legs? I want maidenfriend.”

“No,” I said. “Behave is code for not burning things down.”

“Oh.” She frowned, and then grinned. “Most goblins think I’m pretty hot. That troll did, too. We kinda reached an understanding, in the end, but then --”

“The one who your father gave you to?”

“Yeah. He did teach me how to do this.” She wiggled her finger, and a flame danced on it.

“His name wasn’t Baradzem, was it?”

She blinked. “Yeah? You know where he is? I mean, I gave it up for him, you know, if you know what I mean, even though that wasn’t the deal my dad made, and then the next night he just vanished.”

“When men get what they want, they lose interest,” Valeria said. “That’s why I decided on a life of chastity.”

Maggie gave her a look.

“Then I met Abby,” Valeria amended. “Decisions change.”

“Not all men,” I said, cringing.

“Not all men,” Valeria agreed. “Too many. But not even close to all. Futanari, on the other hand...”

“You don’t have a statistical sample,” I said.

“I don’t need one,” Valeria said with a grin.

“Anyway,” I said, turning back to Maggie. “You agree not to burn things down, and you can stay around. Uh, wait a minute. There is one thing you can do.”

“If it’s anal,” she said, “I’m really small back there, and you’d need literally buckets of lube, and even then it probably wouldn’t work.”

“It’s not anal. You said Baradzem taught you fire magic?”

“Yeah.”

“So you could teach someone else?”

“Yeah, I guess I could.”

“So there you go. That’s how you’ll earn your keep.”

“Not with my smokin’ hot body?”

“What you do with your smoking hot body is your business,” I told her. “Do we have a deal? No creating mischief, and you teach one person of my choosing, and in return, you can stay with us as long as you wish.”

“I still have to decide whether I’ve just been insulted or not. Don’t you think it would feel good? And what about me being just the right height?”

“The rest of us can kneel, and it all works out fine,” Valeria said. “Also, it really works better lying down. Otherwise Abby has to stand the whole time, and when she comes, sometimes her knees buckle. Which is satisfying in its own way, but then I have to catch her with her cock pressing on my gag reflex. Not something one wants to do every day.”

“Really?” Maggie asked.

“Really.”

Maggie looked at me. “Alright. You have a deal. I’ll behave.” She paused. “But you did say I could do what I wanted with my smoking hot body.”

“You can, providing you have consent from anyone else involved.”

“Oh,” she said. “Fine. Wanna blowjob?”

“Not right this minute,” I said. “Thanks.” I bent down to untie her. My breasts ended up in her face in the process, and I’d forgotten how wet my shirt was. She managed to latch on to a nipple through it and give me a suck.

“Consent, remember?” I said.

“But it was right there.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

She pouted. “Okay, fine. But don’t put them in – no, I take that back. I’ll be good. Mash ‘em up against me all you like.”

I managed to untie her. “I need to give you an escort, because otherwise people will toss you in with the prisoners.”

“Her,” Maggie said, pointing at Valeria.

“No, I need her for lots of things.”

“I bet,” Maggie leered.

I spotted Inka and waved her over. “Hey, Inka, can you watch over Maggie here, and keep her out of trouble?”

“Sure,” Inka said.

“Princess Maggie.”

“But then you’d have to say Master Chef and Accountant Extraordinaire Inka every time,” I told her. “And that would get tedious.”

“Fine,” Maggie said.

“Just Inka will do,” Inka said. “And I don’t mind calling you Princess.”

“Have you fucked her?” Maggie asked Inka, indicating me.

“Why yes, yes I have.” Inka winked at me. “Come on, let me show you around.” Inka put her arm around Maggie, and guided her away.

Maggie looked back over her shoulder, and asked, unnecessarily loudly, “Those two are gonna do it, aren’t they?”

“At some point,” Inka said. “But probably they just want to talk about you.”

Well, she wasn’t wrong.

“You aren’t seriously going to add her to your harem, are you?” Valeria said. “She’s just nineteen.”

“How old are you?”

“Twenty-two.”

“Right. Huge difference.”

“It is!”

“Valeria, my love, I am not looking to increase my number of lovers. I’m very satisfied. And whether she’s nineteen or if she was ninety, I think she has some growing up to do.”

“I don’t think she’ll get any taller,” Valeria said, her voice flat.

I looked at her and decided she hadn’t misunderstood.